Fom the Mundane to the Profound

Ladies and Gentleman,

After a few months of hiatus, I am again inspired to start posting yet again.  The last few months have been full of deep inner reflection (aka God time), me time, much needed M&A time, and a lot of work.

I have grappled with the following questions, some I have answers for, and some I do not.  But, for some reason last week, I realized that I will probably never have answers to all of my questions, and I need to get comfortable with not always having the right answer. 

Here are just a few of the questions I have been grappling with:

• What should I do in my professional future?  Stay the course, ask for help and relief, and trust other people. 
• Am I working in the field I should be in?  Yes.  
• What will I do if I have a child?  Continue doing what I am doing, but get less sleep and ask for MORE help from my husband, friends and coworkers...    
• Am I good wife?  Sometimes, but not even close to always.  
• What makes a good wife?  Respect, loyalty, support, sex, and time.  
• Am I a good employee? Yes.  
• Will we ever be able to afford a house?  Yes.  Just need to figure out a way to come up with a down payment and save for my old age and pay for my school loans??  
• Why am I scratching my arms in my sleep?  Because although my mind is saying not to be stressed, my body needs a way to release that stress.  I need to start doing yoga again, otherwise M will continue to call me his little "Black Swan."  (If you have seen the movie, you know what I mean)
• Why do all of my friends seem to want to move back to the mid-west?  Because they are not called to the same thing we are...  
• Why does time move so quickly?  I don't know.
• Why don't the best always win?  I don't know.
• Why does traffic move so slowly?  Other than accidents, I don't know - if we are all going the same speed - it really shouldn't matter how many cars are on the road...
• How can I miss my family so much, but still want to live here? I don't know.
• Is God still working in my life? Yes, but for a long time I didn't know.  
• Why do so many bad things happen to kids?  I don't know.
• Why can't I fix other people's problems?  For the same reason I can't fix mine -- I am not God.

As I was asking myself these questions I was reminded of what one of my professors said to my class in law school -- "Sometimes there are only questions and no answers, and you need to get comfortable with asking questions you can't answer." 


I didn't really understand what that meant at the time, but as I grow in my professional and personal life I realize now what he meant -- "human beings are not all knowing -- we need to get comfortable with uncertainty, especially when others are looking to us for the answers."  Uncertainty -- the state of not being completely confident or sure of something...

I don't know all the answers, but I realized just last week that I need to somehow be at peace while I continue to struggle to find those answers.   This is the essence of being human I think  -- it is what sets us apart from animals...and sets us apart from God -- we ask questions we don't know (and may never know in this lifetime) the answers to.

Blessings,
Ms. W.